Why I Left the Amish: A Memoir Paperback – January 1, 2011

I don't regret reading this book, but it is a somewhat odd memoir. The focus of the story is the childhood of the author in a toxic and violent Amish family. She positions her memories around a "real time" trip to her father's funeral, a device that doesn't work all that well. At times during the story, I felt that the situations described were not that uniquely Amish, but rather drearily familiar to anyone who grew up in a large (or even small) family where the adults were not up to the task of parenting. Before I read this book, I had just finished reading "Leaving the Saints" by Martha Beck, which is about a woman who grew up in a large, dysfuntional Mormom family with similar forces of religious fanaticism, patriarchy, and neglect/abuse/violence, also culminating in the author's rejection of her childhood community and religion. Although I cringed at times at the less than polished writing in "Why I Left the Amish", Beck's book was so slickly written that at times I wondered if she was embellishing -- a concern that I did not have at all with this book. I found Saloma's accounts quite convincing. However, the book that really opened my eyes to some of the complexities of Amish life was "Rumspringa" by Tom Shachtman (2006), which I recommend. It cured me of my romantic notions (shared by most Americans, I think) about the Amish and their pastoral lives. Their culture has some positive aspects (I admire their pacifism and rejection of materialism), but unfortunately it seems built on depriving people of education, inducing fear of the world, extreme patriarchy where women and girls have little status, and religious fundamentalism. It seems like Saloma is too easy on the Amish culture, and works hard to sound balanced. She also fails to share why she returned to the Amish once after leaving. In short, although this book is flawed, we are still lucky to have it, as it is a thoughtful, firsthand account of Amish life. I agree with the person who said there will be more of these memoirs in the future. As the Amish population grows, more of them have to work in the "English" world, which brings them into contact with the rest of us. Even from Saloma's story you can see that it was her contacts with English women via her house-cleaning work that helped her figure out how to leave her family. The large families that the Amish continue to have may prove detrimental in the long run to their culture and their ability to retain their members.

I think it is appropriate that "Why I Left the Amish" has a picture of the author as a little girl on the cover because her voice throughout the book is that of a little girl, even when she describes her life long after she has left the community. She does write beautifully but there is a simple, almost simplistic tone, and that would be my only criticism of the book. The circumstances are intriguing. She certainly gives us much more of an insight into Amish life than we usually get. I hope that her particular situation is not common because her family was massively dysfunctional. Her father was mentally ill and physically and emotionally abusive. Her mother, intelligent, angry and frustrated that she was expected to be completely submissive to this incompetent man, attached herself to the oldest son and emotionally neglected the girls. Unfortunately that son was even more abusive than the father and he sexually assaulted the girls - but the mother looked the other way. It is disappointing that the Amish community could not find a way to help this struggling family but left them to their own and expected complete submission to the father. (And, BTW, the civil authorities were no help either - when the abuse was reported they would not investigate unless someone over 21 consented.)Saloma goes into great detail about her struggle with the Amish point of view - particularly submission. As her situation at home deteriorates, she realizes she has to go. That section of the book where she bravely makes her escape is very exciting. Fortunately, she finds her way out in the "world", marries well, has a family and as they grow up she is finally able to realize her dream of going to college. She is very brave to share all the ugly details of her struggle with us. Leaving such a closed community (whom she still loves) takes great courage. The Amish "shun" those who leave but she did have some contact with her family and that part is touching. I suspect that if they ever read this book they won't like it! I highly recommend it.

This book was recommended to me by the author, after she read my review for Unorthodox, on Goodreads. I decided to take her advice, and ordered the book. It is about the life of young Saloma Miller who grows up with a Father who has mental capabilities that are less than those of the average individual, and a Mother who looks the other way as her daughters are abused physically, sexually, and emotionally very roughly by their older brother and very harshly beaten by their Father. The memoir takes you deep into the world of what the author describes as where a young person must choose between leaving their family behind, and going their own way, which in her case this was wanting an education, and a chance to make her own choices, or joining the Amish church and blindly following the rules for the rest of your life. The book really opens your eyes to facets of the Amish culture that I was not aware of before, and struggles that Amish young people and children face within the Amish community, struggles that are often romanticized in novels about the Amish culture, which were brought out in a harsh light in this book. It ended on a brighter note, because Saloma does get out and marry someone she loves, and get an education... so that made me feel better, but some of the scenes I would not recommend for younger readers. But it does make you think about a culture that is often romanticized within our society...with facts that are obviously UNTRUE.

Great book an interesting biography the author has courage in leaving the Amish and has benefited from leavingsuch a rigid community and family.

Thank you! It's perfect! : )