The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

Seeing a marriage counselor and he said he uses this book and its tenets all the time because it's so effective, based on scientific research. I got one each for my husband and myself. We enjoyed doing the exercises at the end of Chapter 4. I read the hopeful parts of the book, the truly practical things couples do to improve and enrich their marriages and, thus, their lives. Sadly, then I read the chapter on "why couples don't make it." Shoot...they mostly apply to us. I analyze and nag too much, my husband is critical and snide all the time and we've let our friendship dwindle to low ebb. We've been married for over 2 decades and it's hard to see us change enough and in enough time to avoid divorce. We're both that miserable. The beauty of the book is that it provides excellent analysis and descriptions of both success and failure in marriage: literally, the author and all professionals who apply these principles can predict whether or not a couple will be able to resolve their conflicts successfully or not within a very short period of time based on how they treat each other. Certainly, the marriages that can seem destined to failed can be turned around if both spouses embrace the process and are willing to work on THEMSELVES and not so much try to "fix" their spouses. So clearly explained, all problems (and ALL marriages encounter problems...you newlyweds are kidding yourselves if you don't believe this) can be divided into the Solvable and Unsolvable. Obviously, by definition, most Solvable Problems can be solved. And it doesn't have to be that Unsolvable Problems lead inevitably to divorce. Sometimes the problem can't be changed by either party such as one becoming ill with cancer or diabetes and the other can't abide having a spouse who is ill. But even having a "mixed marriage" such as 2 conflicting religions can be worked out if they ignore their families' and friends' condemnation and agree to adhere to either or both religions--together or separately--and doing the same for children. Even couples who can't agree on whether or not to have children or cannot procreate themselves to the sorrow of either or both spouses can be resolved well enough to stay together and be happy. If nothing else, Unsolvable Problems can make the marriage stronger if the parties turn to each other in love and for support instead of turning away from each other in anger or sorrow. It's all a matter if you require to get your own way on every issue or allow yourself to build up ginormous resentment by always being the one who caves in to your spouse's demands, supposedly just to keep the peace. That's not a peaceful existence. Right now, I'm not sanguine that it'll work but my husband and I will both give it the ol' college try. I'll keep you posted.

This is a workbook created by the leader in understanding relationships and marriage success. It is easy to read. The questions to complete in the notebook causes deeper understanding and better discussion between a couple. Highly recommended this book

Wow! Absolutely loved this book I must say. When I got this book, I wasnt sure Id love it. I know many people recommended it but after reading the negative reviews I was a tiny bit hesitant. But I am so GLAD I bit the bullet. I recommend this for anyone interested in having a long lasting relationship and many years of a beautiful marriage, either one you are currently in or one you want in the future. These truly do seem the keys to make most marriages last for sure. Even the ways conflict is handled is EXACTLY what I been asking for and EXACTLY what I wanted to see. This is the way conflict should be handled. Another pro: the book exercises are very helpful. After reading the questions and surveys I found them extremely helpful in identifying the core issues or positives in a marriage. People don't realize you are A TEAM when you are married. Its YOU 2 first, and this book preaches that. Also the 7 principles themselves I found to be very true and reading the studies as examples were quite helpful. I also appreciate how the book provides practical examples and tips on HOW to bring up certain topics, what to say, what to do in certain marital situations. The only complaint I have about this book is it doesnt seem to go into too much when to truly call it quits in a marriage. I absolutely agree that in most cases people call it quits far too early and people end what could have been such a beautiful thing for silly reasons that can be resolved or learn to co-exist peacefully, but I will say in some fairly rare situations there are times where a marriage simply wont work. I wish the book delved into that a bit more of what are the signs that your marriage really needs to end. But I would say that is a fairly rare case and again MOST of the time it can be improved with many of the exercises and points made in the book My other gripe is that the pages are so thin that it doesnt withstand the wrath of my highlighter! I wish it was a tiny bit thicker because I have to be very gentle with how I highlight so it doesnt bleed through... and trust me, I highlighted A TON in this book. So helpful

I think this book was great when it discussed its main point: both partners need to build friendship, trust, forgiveness and purpose to make their marriages work. I agree that too much marital advice focuses on communication and conflict management, instead of relationship building. That said, the advice on starting a discussion with a soft start-up to reduce stress and encourage listening was good. However, this book did have some bad advice that was obviously bad. For example, the advice about managing conflict between in-laws and spouses was overly simplistic because it assumed that the in-law was the unreasonable and disrespectful party, instead of acknowledging that spouses are very capable of displaying pettiness and disrespect (there was no advice for navigating that). Also, the statement "women find a man's willingness to do housework extremely erotic" was absolutely ludicrous. Choreplay does not work--never has, never will. So read this book with a bit of skepticism, but it was worthwhile overall.

I wanted to become a better man for my then fiancé (now wife) before we got married. It was one of my goals to improve myself in many different aspects so I can help me help us. I wanted to become more patient and understanding as well as a better communicator. We've been together since high school and it wasn't always rainbows and sunshine, but we've managed to overcome those years of immaturity and useless bickers, and now have been on our growth journey. I found this book while browsing Reddit and am very happy to have it in hand. It has helped me tremendously and paints a better picture that marriage, or any relationship, takes a lot of work, belief, and togetherness. It's not your journey, my journey, but a "our journey". I've embraced the "Create Shared Meaning" principle and have been creating small traditions with her since we've gotten married. I go out of my way to do random picnics at the park, stop at a new and interesting place, eat foods from different cultures with her and it's been fun. We're both able to share new experiences together and that's what creates that inside joke that strengthens our bond. I'm very happy that she's receptive and has started reading this book with me for 30 minutes before we go to sleep (and I don't mind repeating it either since I gain new insights each go-round). Overall, folks, I highly recommend this book. It will not only improve your intimate relationships, but also any other platonic or familial ones. I take what I learn from this book and apply it to my friends and family too, and it helps me become a better man all around.

I really enjoyed this book. It gives a lot of practical advice about marriage and communication without making everything feel complicated. There are a lot of things in here that made me stop and think about how couples communicate and handle problems. I think it’s a good book for anyone who wants to understand relationships better and work on having a healthier marriage. Definitely worth reading!

This is such an excellent resource! Not just for marriage but in teaching good communication skills for everyone for ever day living. I have enjoyed this book so much that I purchased the hard copy and have it in my home to refer to and for my whole family to read. Truly a great communication skills resource

This seemed to be a good book for an egalitarian marriage. The one thing I noticed was that the examples given seem to be 80% skewed towards trying to keep the wife happy and the marriage and probably 20% being in keeping a husband happy in the marriage. This seems to track well with the fact that most therapy and marriage counseling is targeted at keeping women happy and the societal norm that no one really cares if the man is happy or not.

Nice and useful

Very good book. Contains in depth research findings and practical exercises for couples wanting to save their marriage.

けっこんとことが不安があったけどこの本のかげで大丈夫

Clearly written en very recognizable. Gives insight in relationships and your role. Contains many helpful exercises to improve your marriage and life.

I was expecting more