First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors: Modern-Day Secrets to Being Desired, Cherished, and Adored for Life

I've never been so open in an Amazon review, but here goes...I've been married to my second husband for 2 1/2 very rocky years. We were both totally love struck while we dated. As soon as we got married, major problems began. Fighting, yelling, passive aggressiveness, selfishness, bitterness, resentment, insults... I could go on and on, but chances are if you're reading this you have a similar list. I've questioned where my sweet, thoughtful, attentive man went. Where's the guy I dated?!? Does he not love me? Did he ever??We tried marriage counseling and that didn't help. We read Love Languages, Venus/Mars, and several other of the most popular relationship books that had glowing reviews. Still no lasting improvement. Every day felt like a struggle. We were both exhausted, cranky, and I was getting depressed. There was lots of crying and contemplating divorce. I believed we had tried everything and that my husband simply would never treat me the way he had in the beginning.I'm not certain how I stumbled across First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors (although the catchy title did stand out), but I began to read the reviews. I will admit to scoffing at most of them. I was especially incredulous when I read the woman's review saying the book had greatly improved her marriage in one day... One day??! I wondered if the author had 30 of her friends to write up fake positive reviews.But I ordered the Kindle version on a curious whim. I had nothing left to lose but a miserable marriage and a jerk of a husband after all. Or so I thought. Throughout the entire first chapter, I actually laughed out loud and exclaimed, "This is bull$***," several times. Why is this author so excited to impart her "wisdom?" What kind of scam IS this? What she says is possible is just. not. possible. for my relationship. So let's say I was a bit skeptical :)Let me now assure you I'm a real person, with real kids, real laundry, real insecurities, real problems, and real emotions. Because you lovely, lovely women reading this may roll your eyes so hard you can see your brain stem when I get this next statement out...I had only read the first two skills the author writes about when I decided to experiment on my husband, who by the way is out of town so we were only talking via phone, and it worked. IT WORKED. Within five minutes of me following the book's suggestions (remember, I'm not even halfway through), I heard a tenderness in my husband's voice I haven't heard in months and months. I wondered if that was wishful thinking on my part. Nope! After we got off the phone, my husband sent a text to say he misses me. Whaaaa???? Misses me?? He misses me! If your relationship is in the poor condition mine has been in, you know that was momentous. Ahhhh, he misses me!Please do not interpret my review to mean the necessary changes will instantly "feel natural." You may have to white knuckle it for a bit, but... If you're like me, you've been white knuckling your relationship for a while so you can totally do it. The skills are simple. They are actually enjoyable. They make more sense than anything I've ever heard or read about marriage. Oh! And here's a plus: Your husband doesn't have to read it for it to be effective :)I think this is a fabulously empowering book for women with husbands/boyfriends who wonder why their men are irritable, uncaring, selfish, lazy, inattentive, and angry. "Why won't my husband stop looking at his phone and pay attention to me??" You CAN transform yourself and your relationship.P.S. To the wife who left the review saying her marriage improved in one day: I'm sorry I doubted you! Congrats and may you live happily ever after :)

Though I did not read this book cover to cover, there is one passage in it which for me negates any value of the book.My verbally abusive ex-husband gave me this book during the last throes of our marriage. I was trying to repair the marriage and had asked that we see a marriage counselor, which he dropped after a few sessions. In reply to my efforts to address his pattern of control and abuse, he offered this book as his attempt to "fix" our deteriorating marriage.There is a passage in the latter half of the book which actually states that verbal abuse is NOT a reason for separation. I was astonished to read such a comment in a book. For me, that sentence takes away any value of this book. There are women out there who might stumble upon this line and think they should "stick it out" through the verbal abuse of their spouse, not knowing that the only option is to get out; that the more they try to repair the marriage, the deeper they will sink into destruction.This is a very dangerous line. Be careful of this if you think you may be in an abusive marriage. It doesn't need to be physical to be abuse.

I originally read this book and thought it was pretty good. At the end of the book it says you can get a free consultation and I decided to try it. Well, throughout the book, the author mentions success stories of women who improved their relationship and then their husband's were happier and more successful at work. Their husbands got promotions and raises and started making thousands of more dollars a year. When you call for the "free consultation" she listens for a few minutes and then reminds you about how much more money your husband will make when you improve your marriage with her help. Then she tells you her $2,500 fee per month is worth it because of how much more money your husband will make later... I was shocked and severely disappointed to hear her say that. I felt like the entire book was fraudulent and only a deception to get you to hand over money. I no longer believe that any of her "success" stories in the book are true.

Amazing book. We have been in marriage counseling for over a year after I returning home from a 5 month separation. Our marriage counselor told me numerous times that I correct my husband a lot. I personally just could not see what was wrong with that. He was never totally right when telling her things that happened at our house. How blind can a person be? I was totally off base. I got this book and started reading it and learned to keep my mouth closed rather than having a come back comment at all times. I've also learned to take care of myself more and do things that I enjoy.... my three things every day. It has become the most enjoyable marriage and we lift each other up all the time now. Things have really changed. The more that I build him up, the more he wants care for me too. I stop complaining and instead let him know regularly that I appreciate how he cares for me. Our 10 year anniversary was amazing. It felt very much like our honeymoon! 💖

This book is excellent. She's 100% right when she says wives hold most of the cards for a successful relationship (mine didn't know before reading this book). She's also right that counseling sessions that try to address deficiencies in relationships are not productive. This book is about building on and recognizing what's positive in a relationship, not dwelling on grievances, which is what therapy always ends up doing.Reading this book and practicing what it says are a much better use of your time and money than seeing a counselor in my opinion.

This is a wonderful book. It has helped me grow intimacy skills, and I understand my fiancé better than I ever have. I completely see where he is coming from and find it easier to hold my tongue when I get the urge to start a fight. I get more sincere apologies and more followers than I’ve ever wanted. Its still a working progress but I feel like I have more power of influence in where Out relationship is going and I owe it to this magnificent book.

This book (and the original 'Surrendered Wife') made a huge difference to my relationship and my life. I had to rethink how I approached my relationship and spend more time taking really good care of myself first and then be in a better position to be happy and loving in my relationship (it works for all relationships too! My time with friends and family has improved as well as with my husband). The other skills such as 'being repectful' and 'gratitude' 'staying on your own paper' 'expressing desires' are common sense but applying them everyday has really improved my outlook. I found so many things I was grateful for that I already had - including a husband who I realised I still loved very much and no longer wanted to change! My new found calm, happiness and gratitude has really helped set the tone for the house and everyone is happier. In not trying to change my husband anymore he has changed quite a lot. For instance now that I respond calmly and postively to everything we can talk about anything and we are much closer. t's been a great year and hope for more positive changes to come. This book builds on the earlier book by relating how it works better than other approaches. Having tried many things during our worst times I have to agree this is a really good achievable approach with good results.

I started to implement some of the skills in book and I immediately started to see changes in my relationship. I've recommended this book to all my friends, it's definitely a must read if you want the most out of your relationship.

It help me so much, I believe it teach what mothers should teach. My feminist mentality was pushing me to do every thing wrong. I know after this book how to honour my self and have a healthy relationship.

Interesting book but too bogged down with examples. Would read better if the final paragraph summerised the points. If the surrendered women concept is your thing this is a similar field of thought. For most women this will read as several interesting points to consider rather than a marriage code to strictly adhere to.

excellent book. I swear by all of Laura Doyle's publications.