Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You Paperback – July 30, 2019

After a couple of abusive marriages, I found this book to be spot-on. It has good explanations, even if you just have a difficult relationship with a family member. Easy to read and understand, in my opinion. Bought one for a friend, too.

I have a masters in forensic psychology and this is one of my all time favorite books on spotting manipulation tactics. It is a powerful book in its content. I have a 2000 book library, and this is absolutely one of my favorite books on any subject, but especially within the field of psychology. I copied and pasted a bit of my notes for you below to give you a better sense for this book:At the heart of emotional blackmail is an unspoken threat which seeks to coerce compliance with an unjustified demand.In responding to it, we must first come to the realization that there is a difference between making someone suffer and letting someone suffer by their own hand, their own deeds, and their own character. Allowing someone to continue in their own suffering can in fact allow them the necessary opportunity in which to learn the necessary lessons. Rescuing people from themselves not only harms us, it harms them in that it keeps them from learning their lessons.Let people suffer. Do not intervene between a person’s actions and his own consequences.Disapproval is ultimately the key to emotional blackmail. In a way, fear, guilt, and obligation pray on our sense of approval. Disapproval is another person’s means of manipulating us by making the relationship contingent upon our appeasement of their unjustified demands and submission to injustice and purposeful manipulation.Emotional blackmail preys on fear, obligation,and guilt. Its manipulation tactics are either based on instilling fear, or obligation based on guilt. Whether that fear or obligation is real or justifiable is of no importance- only submission is required. Emotional blackmailers use our conscience against us in terms of guilt, and our sense of responsibility against us in terms fo obligation, and our desire for harmony in terms of fear- whether that fear be based on disapproval or their unjustified anger.

Great book, I bought this because I have a family member that has been a toxic person since I was a child. Happens to be my mother's sister and the amount of manipulation and making your feel guilty and a host of other things she does is ridiculous. She also tries to brainwash my mother against me, some pretty twisted crap to say the least. The book gives all these example stories and I got frustrated thinking "but this doesn't apply to me " keep reading, swear to God you have to. Towards the end it uses all the stories to explain the "why" of these behaviors. It all comes together and makes sense and if you hadn't stuck with it and read all the examples you would be lost. Very helpful book, you may never find out what truly drives their behavior but you will find out how they manipulate and hurt you and what you need to do to stop it. I've since leant this book to my mother in hopes she will start standing up for herself. Because she takes way too much crap from her sister than she ever should. I do not anticipate you will get nothing from this book, you will gain knowledge, but you have to put it to use. Stop taking people's bs. End the headaches, stress and anxiety these types of people cause. Be good to yourself. Best of luck to you all, if you are considering this book OR know someone in a horrible situation.

I am so glad I read Emotional blackmailer. This book hit on my raw spots and has given me clear instructions on how I choose to deal with a emotional blackmailer, the only thing I didnt like about this book is saying to attend a 12 step program and having been there done that I put in in the segment of the book The self doubter= 12 step by "healthy evaluation can easily become self deprecation. In the face of critism from someone else we may disagree at first then come to believe that our sensors and gauges are faulty. How can we be right if someone important to us says we are wrong, Maybe we are deluded. We know what we see and experience but we dont trust it and frequently we discount the truth of our ideas, feelings and thoughts letting others define how we should be." There are many books out there who put in the 12 step as a means of support when they do not fully check out what they are saying. 12 step program's are based on a relgious guilt basis.My mother is classic emotional blackmailer and I do not comply she cuts me off. I have choose not to do the dance any longer. I actaully have severed ties with her. The emotional blackmailer is also narcissitic I believe. They are ONLY concern with there needs and desires and do not care about yours. They have to be right and at the cost of a relationship.

This book sang to my soul. I wrote down quotes, and saved them on my phone for those “I need to use the restroom” moments. This must read is very great tool to help with tough conversations with people pressuring to do things their way. Also, to remind to send an “SOS” to yourself and take time to register what your body is screaming at you when you need it. I strongly recommend this book for the people who pressure and the people who feel pressured or even paralyzed when you can’t say no due to fear of retaliation, reactions, shame or guilt, or any other reason.

Great book. Came on time and with no damage. Thanks!