Cherish: The One Word That Changes Everything for Your Marriage

Think back to your wedding. Okay? You got it in mind. Remember that promise you made? You promised to love your spouse always. Right? Yes. Of course, you did. You also promised to cherish them. What? You don't remember that? Well, you did. So you say you're covered anyway? Love and cherish are just synonyms?Hardly.You can love many many people and yet not cherish them. Your spouse is one person you are to cherish. Cherish entails treating them like they are a treasure, a one of a kind, a rare jewel, there is no one else like them. It includes love, but it is not just love. Cherish doesn't mean you think the other person is perfect, but that you focus on the things that are good and be patient and forgiving with the sins that they struggle with knowing that you struggle with them as well.Okay, guys. I hear you out there. I know what you men are saying. "I'm sure my wife understands that well, but I'm a man. If I go to all my buddies and say that my wife doesn't cherish me, they'll just laugh at me." So what about we use another word? Would you like your wife to honor you? That sounds more like it, doesn't it?"My wife is to honor me? Hey. Does that mean I get more sex? Well, if that's what speaks honor to you, then yes.""Hey! Sounds good, doesn't it!""Yeah! It sure does! Nothing makes me feel honored like how my wife treats me under the sheets!""And you sir, are absolutely right. If that speaks honor to you, your wife should aim for that, but may I ask you, what are you doing back?""What?""You heard me. Look. I know about those pictures you're looking at on your computer. I know that you're checking out those other women on TV shows and at the mall. Do you think your wife notices? Do you think you can fully cherish her even if she doesn't notice? Can you fully treat her like the one for you she is if your mind is filled with a multitude of other women?"Perhaps marriages would be different then if both spouses did that. Think back to Adam and Eve. On a very traditional interpretation, there is just Adam and Eve. Adam sees Eve and knows that she is his and his alone and he gets to cherish her. She is so unique. Eve gets to see Adam and know that he is the man for her. He is the one to turn to. He is her rock.Perhaps also you should watch your words to one another. Are your words speaking love and affirmation? It can be easy to let loose that zinger at the time. C.S. Lewis even once said that we could get a lot of credit to ourselves for not saying that zinger to our spouse that was on the tip of the tongue. It might have knocked out our spouse for the count and won us the argument, but it would have cost us a relationship.And isn't that another thing about cherishing? Cherishing has to be a lifestyle. Intimacy has to be built up by both people. Both people have to learn to make sacrifices. Once you marry, it is no longer just you. It is both of you together. If one person is failing, both are failing. If one person is succeeding, both are succeeding. In fact, there is only one area you and your spouse should truly compete in. That's cherishing. Do each of you strive to be more cherishing to the other?Gary Thomas's book on this is a huge wake-up call. I went through and highlighted many such places. Sometimes I wish I had read the chapter that I read earlier. There is so much good in here and if we want to see marriage lived out properly in a culture trying to redefine it, then we need to be learning to people who cherish.Treat your spouse as a treasure. Learn to give more than to get. See the other person as the unique individual they are. Remember those vows you made on your wedding day. Be a person of your word. You said you were going to cherish. Do it. Cherish.In Christ,Nick PetersDeeper Waters Apologetics

Let me first say that I believe God is using Gary Thomas to greatly impact many people who are struggling in their relationship with God and coincidentally with their spouse. I have read many of Gary's books and find his writing style very easy to read with a healthy dose of scriptural references. He uses anecdotal stories that are concise and to the point such that the brief interludes are very effective at conveying his message. In particular, I find it very impactful when he uses experiences from his own marriage with Lisa to convey a thought. Being very self-centered myself, it's very helpful to hear Gary express empathy for his wife's viewpoints on the various matters.My first exposure to Gary's writing was a result of some very difficult times. After 33 years in a marriage that had grown very cold and generally lifeless, I decided to file for a divorce thinking that I could find joy from a "better" partner. My daughter responded by giving me a copy of Gary's book "Sacred Marriage" which I quickly stowed away for another day. I decided to postpone the divorce, but my heart was certainly not in the right place. Several months later I did read "Sacred Marriage" and for the first time I began to understand what God was trying to accomplish in me through my marriage. I subsequently read the book a second time and also read his follow up book "Lifelong Love." Both of those books (and associated seminars) were extremely instrumental in renewing my marriage relationship beyond my imagination and in leading me to my subsequent Baptism. Of course, none of my growth would have been possible without the inner workings of the Holy Spirit.One thing I have come to realize is that I had allowed myself to develop "worldly" views of marriage and of women in general. And in dealing with my addictive habits, I learned the meaning of Romans 12:2 and it's critical importance in winning the spiritual battles. And the best means to "renew my mind" is to read books that apply biblical principles to create a Godly vision of marriage and the opposite sex. I have found that all of Gary's books provide that Godly vision so that I now have a better understanding what to seek. So if you are a Christian, I believe it is critical to be reading Gary's or similar books to replace the worldly views with a clear understanding of God's intended design.I view "Sacred Marriage" as the baseline book for understanding God's intent for marriage and "Lifelong Love" as a very powerful building block on the message of sacrificial love. After reading "Cherish," I now have a much better understanding of the "active" part of a loving relationship. Many of us promised to "love and cherish" our spouses, but I frankly had no clue what was truly involved in cherishing someone to this degree.Regarding the layout of the book, I very much like how Gary summarizes the key points at the end of each chapter. This helps to ensure that I captured the critical messages that Gary was trying to convey. Each chapter also ends with pertinent "Questions for discussion and reflection" that we will use as "devotionals" on our date night. If there is just one thing I could recommend to other married couples, it would be to use Gary's books as a means to initiate "Godly" discussions so that both spouses grow in their relationship with God and subsequently with each other. And I find "Cherish" to be a very powerful book to that end.

I would highly recommend this book to any married couple. This is my second marriage and it forces you to deal with things as a couple that you wouldn't normally think about. It has brought to the forefront insecurities that could cause problems down the road and helps you fix them. We did this as a church conference and it was amazing!