Outgrowing the Pain: A Book for and About Adults Abused As Children

Read this book in one sitting. When I first opened it, and observed all the pictures in it, I thought to myself "this is a book for children". Not so. This is for all survivor's of child abuse. And, all types of child abuse. The author deals with verbal, physical, and sexual abuse, and only stresses reading this book as an adjunct to professional help.We raise our children with self-esteem, I believe, because the world knocks us all around enough. Some children were raised believing, because of the verbal and physical (and/or sexual) assaults by their parents that they are not literally fit to walk the face of the earth. The author brings out the long-range ramifications of this abuse; detached semi-permanent relationships, marrying, literally an abuser not unlike one's parents, alcohol and drug abuse to ease the pain, and the list goes on and on. She describes the defensiveness and the "building walls" of those who were abused and how to break down those walls on the road to wholeness.There are many good survival tips in this book. I do stress, that it should be used in conjunction with professional help. Words hurt, straps and belts hurt, and could leave scars for a lifetime which can manifest themselves in anger, misplaced rage, and a host of other maladaptive behaviors.The one thing, I think the author failed to mention is after taking (or during) these initial steps to recover from abuse, pastoral care with an eye towards forgiveness is also helpful. Most clergy are trained these days in counseling people who are survivors of abuse. Forgiveness is the ultimate tribute not to your abuser, but towards yourself in putting the past behind you and moving forward. All in all, this is a highly recommended book.

Interesting little book. Written very much like a self help manual, however much of the help is to identify and understand what might be happening in the wake of abuse. I've referred it to a couple of patients. I think most appropriate for younger folKS 16 to 25ish, due to the presentation, but I like the content as well. Might be helpful for family members, but I get the feeling with the direct nature of this, that there might not be enough for the uninjured family member to get a hold of.

This book is an easy read, but "thorough" in HELP dealing with childhood abuse as a full fledge adult!

My counselor recommended this book for me to read. I'm glad I took the time to purchase and read it. I have struggled for years not knowing why I was different from other people I know. I have also struggled with personal relationships throughout my whole life. I've always felt like I was different in a negative way from others. I never felt like I fit in with society as a whole. I've read other reviews on here, and I believe that some people expect to be "fixed" after reading this book. The author explains that if more help is needed that there are other books you can read, or to seek professional help. This book helps you to identify if you were in fact an abused child, and it helps to identify possible situations, or types of people you may have been or are now due to abuse. I could relate to what the author wrote in many ways. I think identifying the cause is a huge first step to any recovery of any kind, and there is no such thing as a quick fix. It's going to take time and effort from you and possibly your loved ones. I plan on reading this book a few times to help me identify more clearly what happened to me so I can go over these things with my counselor. I know it's going to take time, but I was able to finally read about why I am the way I am. I recommend this book to anyone who has struggled with thoughts of their past, and how it may be holding them back in their lives currently.

I am a therapist and I recommend this book to adult and young adult clients who are interested in understanding and working through sexual abuse histories. It is a great way to initiate discussion about the history of abuse because it is very short and easy to read. It has some goofy/cartoon-ish pictures that illustrate the ways people feel about themselves and others as a result of their abuse, but the little cartoon images get to the heart of some of the hardest things about living with trauma and PTSD.The only complaint that I have is that the book assumes the perpetrator of the sexual abuse was by a parent, and this is obviously not always the case. I wish the references to the abuser were less specific, but it is not so much that it can't still be used for people who were abused by non-family members.This book could be used by someone who wants to work on trauma issues on their own, but I recommend finding a professional with training in sexual abuse, trauma issues, and PTSD to help!I recommend all of Eliana Gil's work!

It's not bad, but it lacks depth. I felt as though I were still waiting for the book to start by the time it ended. That being said, the sparsity could make it more approachable for some people.It would be a solid 4-star book, however, if it weren't for a number of editorial and typesetting oversights. It definitely feels like the book was rushed out the door.

A very good book to help adults process pain related to abuse from childhood. I benefited from it when I worked through mental suffering. I also used it to help abused children identify their own abuse and begin processing it--when I was a counselor.I have to say, however, I could never understand why some children/adolescents benefited from it and others not when I was a counselor. After retiring, I was converted and since then, I have come to believe that this book is very beneficial to one who also is born again. Psychology by itself just doesn't heal the soul. I know because, although my abuse was not nearly as extensive as the children I worked with, I struggled with worthlessness, inadequacy and such feelings and couldn't shake them even though I could see that I was thinking in a distorted manner; I could also identify my defense mechanisms.... This system helps with understanding abuse and reactionary feelings and behaviors...but it doesn't give hope. God's word and relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, give hope.

Helps with understanding inner feelings hidden for manyyears do try reading this book it will release fears. Good luck

Mi aspettavo molto di più da questo libro. E' povero, breve, non vale il prezzo che costa. Non è per niente approfondito, dà solo qualche idea qua e là. Meglio di niente, ma decisamente potevano fare di meglio.

This book has been invaluable for therapists and clients alike.